


Carving Out A Future

by motherbearof3



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Carisi is the ADA now, Engagement, F/M, Honeymoon, Marriage Proposal, Moving In Together, Rafael is a judge, SVU next generation, Wedding, Young and In Love, getting married, young people have lots of sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-07-29 12:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16264271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherbearof3/pseuds/motherbearof3
Summary: Our SVU next gen lovebirds from Overheated are back and Noah has an important question to ask Jesse. But first he has to talk to her dad. Will he survive being cross examined by the detective-turned-ADA?





	1. Chapter 1

Dominick “Sonny” Carisi looked up from his computer screen at the light knock on the door to see Noah Barba standing in his doorway. He leaned back in his chair, stretching his long arms over his head, happy for a break.

“Hey, Noah! What are you doing in the city? Thought you’d be cramming for mid-terms.” 

The young man shook his head but didn’t move from the doorway. “No, mine aren’t til the end of the month.”

“Here to see Jess, then? Maybe you can drag her away from her books for an afternoon. Is it as nice out there as it looks?” 

Noah and his adopted daughter had been dating since the previous spring and the man couldn’t be happier. If he had been asked to hand pick someone for her, Noah would have been at the top of his list. The young man was smart, well mannered, funny -- but he honestly didn’t expect anything less of Olivia and Rafael Barba’s son, who was a poster child for the nurture over nature philosophy. Anyone who met him and didn’t know better would swear he possessed Rafael’s genes for as much as he was like him. The third year law student fidgeted, shifting his weight from one foot to another, not having moved from his position in the doorway. He glanced out the window behind the lawyer’s desk and could see the changing leaves in the distance, not answering as his palms began to sweat, thinking about why he had taken the train from Boston to visit his girlfriend’s father.

“Noah?”

“What? Oh, sorry, Uncle Sonny. No, um, actually I came here to see you.”

“Me? A law school question? Your dad is probably better equipped to help you than me.”

“No, no, it’s not about school.” 

“Okay, then. Well, come on in, son. Take a load off. Want something to drink?” The former detective waved toward the mini fridge in the corner.

“No, thank you.” Noah didn’t think he could fit anything into his stomach with all the butterflies that had taken up residence there. He forced his feet to move toward one of the chairs on the other side of the desk from the ADA and sat down. As he did, the box he’d picked up before coming to 1 Hogan Place and put in his pocket, poked him in the leg; a reminder of why he was there. Rubbing his palms on his jeans, he took a breath and exhaled audibly. Now Carisi looked at him with concern.

“Noah, is something wrong? Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“No!” he said louder than he meant to, then again, more quietly. “No. No, trouble.”

Noah didn’t know why this was so hard. Uncle Sonny had always been easy to talk to. He ran a hand through his hair, sending the brown curls askew.

“I, um, I wanted to talk to you about Jesse. Jesse and I,” Noah said, watching the older man’s blue eyes narrow with suspicion.  _ Shit,  _ he thought his heart pounding,  _ he thinks she’s pregnant or something.  _ “It’s nothing bad. Honest. You know I love Jesse.” 

That earned him a small nod and Noah felt a trickle of sweat run down his neck. He swallowed but his mouth had gone dry and his tongue was sticking to his teeth. This was worse than sitting across the breakfast table from his parents and Jesse’s and telling them they’d slept in the same bed in the motel when they broke down on the way to the Outer Banks and then again in the beach house and that they had feelings for each other. He stood up.

“Think I’ll have that drink now,” he mumbled, going to the mini fridge and removing a bottle of water. He turned and held one up. Carisi raised his arm and Noah tossed it to him. Closing the fridge, he twisted the top off and took a long drink.

“Better?” The older man asked. Noah nodded and sank back down into the chair he’d vacated. “So you were saying how much you love Jesse,” Carisi prompted. He knew exactly where this was going, but he was enoying watching the young man squirm a little.

“Yes.” Noah drew up his courage and plunged ahead, speaking quickly. “I love Jesse and I want your permission to ask her to marry me.”

Leaning back in the chair so he could work his hand into his jeans pocket, he pulled out the black jeweler’s box and put it on the desk with a thunk. The lawyer’s eyes widened with legitimate surprise. He was expecting the question, not that Noah had already purchased a ring; even though Liv and Rafael had told him and Amanda they thought their son was shopping for one since he’d withdrawn a sizeable amount from his savings account. When Noah got no response, he continued arguing his case.

“Listen, Uncle Sonny, I know we’re both still in school, but we graduate in December --”

“Overachievers,” the older man teased. Noah was finishing a semester early and his daughter just one semester over four years after double majoring in forensic science and criminal psychology.

“-- and Jess is going to the academy but not until the spring, and I already have two job offers I just need to decide which one I want to accept, and I thought if we got engaged now we could get married before she starts the academy -- “

“Whoa. Noah, son, take a breath,” said Carisi, holding up his hands.

He looked at him, his face flushed and chest heaving after speaking that all in one breath and knew what his answer would be. There was no one else for Jesse. Or for Noah. He and Amanda knew that back in March when they were all together for Spring Break. You could see it in their eyes any time they looked at each other. Noah opened his water bottle and took another drink, while Carisi reached for the box and flipped open the lid. The ring inside was a simple, emerald cut diamond solitaire on a plain band.

“It’s almost a carat,” Noah told him. “It’s white gold, not platinum. Platinum was out of my price range.” He laughed a little self consciously. “I looked at other rings. With more diamonds, but I kept coming back to this one.”   
  
“It’s beautiful. Jesse will love it. She’d love a ring from a gumball machine, though, if you were the one giving it to her.” Carisi closed the box with a snap, stood and held it out to Noah with his left hand, extending his right as well. “You have my blessing, son. Although you didn’t need to ask.”

With those words, Noah felt all the tension leave his body and he smiled broadly. “Thanks, Uncle Sonny,” he said, shaking the man’s hand. “But I did. Dad said it was the right thing to do.”

“Your dad’s a very wise man. When are you going to ask her?”

“Neither of us have classes on Columbus Day, so she’s coming up for the long weekend. I haven’t decided exactly how I’m going to do it,” Noah said.

“I proposed to ‘Manda with Jesse asleep on the couch between us. I had it all planned. We were supposed to go out but she got sick and we stayed home,” the lawyer chuckled at the memory. 

“That’s not very romantic,” said Noah, tucking the box safely back into his pocket.

“She didn’t care. Neither will Jess. You’ll come up with something.” He looked at his watch. “Crap. I have a meeting downstairs in ten minutes.”

“I need to get to the train station and get back anyway. Jess and I have a facetime date tonight to talk about the weekend. If I miss it she’ll want to know why. You won’t say anything, will you?”

Carisi walked around from behind his desk and slid his arms into his jacket that was draped across a chair and clapped the younger man on the shoulder. 

“My lips are sealed.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk with his future father-in-law complete, Noah needs a proposal plan. He comes up with something but all does not go as planned.

On his way back to Harvard on the train, Noah called his father.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hey,  _ mijo _ . What’s up?”

“I’m on my way back to school but I wanted to tell you I talked to Uncle Sonny today,” he said.

“Oh, yeah?” Noah could hear the smile in his father’s voice. “How much did he make you squirm?”

“What do you mean?”

“Noh, your mother and I saw this coming. We knew you took the money out of your savings account and you and I talked about it a couple months ago, remember?”

“So Uncle Sonny knew I was going to ask him?” Noah said in exasperation. All that sweating and fidgeting for nothing.

“Of course he did. So, how much did he make you squirm?” his father repeated, laughing.

“Enough. Ugh. Why?”

“Because that’s what dads do,  _ mijo _ ,” Rafael said, chuckling. “Sometimes I wish your mom and I had given you a sister just so I could have fun harassing her boyfriends.”

“God, Dad,” Noah groaned, while his father laughed again.

*********

“‘Manda, you home?” 

Carisi dropped his briefcase onto the hall table and was toeing off his shoes before he even removed his jacket. He never minded the coat and tie part of his job, even when he was a detective, but the first thing that came off when he got home were his shoes. He’d always hated wearing shoes, even as a child and would frequently hide them in an effort to avoid wearing them. Once, after his mother had discovered all his hiding places, he buried them in the sandbox in the backyard. She found them of course, and he was stuck not only wearing shoes, but ones with sand in them until he outgrew them; because he was never able to get it all out.

“In here,” came the reply and he found his wife, laptop open, looking Pinterest pages for what looked like graduation party ideas. After receiving his kiss, she told him, “Liv and I were talking about have a joint graduation party for the kids.”

“Better start looking at wedding pages instead. Noah bought Jess a ring and he came to see me today.”

Amanda Rollins-Carisi turned to look at her husband who had flopped down next to her on the couch, stretching out his socked feet to put them on the coffee table.

“He bought one? Liv and Barba thought he might be thinking about it. Did you see it?” 

She put the computer aside, thoughts of graduation parties forgotten. Now that her lap was empty, Carisi shifted so he could put his feet in it and tugged on his tie as he answered.

“I did. It’s a simple solitaire. The diamond is a rectangle -- “

“You mean Emerald cut?”

“Looked like a rectangle to me, but okay. He said the band is white gold because platinum was out of his price range.” He pulled the tie free from his collar and tossed it on the coffee table.

Amanda whistled. “I’d say. But I know that’s the thing these days. Do you think she’ll like it?”

“Of course. Noah’s giving to her. I told him she wouldn’t care if it was a ring from a gumball machine,” he said as she nodded in agreement. “What’s for dinner?”

It was a rhetorical question since he did ninety-nine percent of the cooking. Carisi swung his legs off his wife’s lap and made his way to the bedroom to change clothes, mentally inventorying the refrigerator for ingredients.

********

  
Noah hadn’t been home half an hour when his phone lit up with an incoming Facetime from Jesse. For once he was grateful his girlfriend wasn’t always punctual. He answered the call and smiled, always happy to see her; even if it was on a screen.

“ _ Hola, mi pequeño! _ ”

“Hi, babe!” Her face was flushed and he wondered where she’d been that she rushed back to her dorm room to call him. “I was just running the stairs. Need to get myself in shape for the academy.”

“Your shape looks good to me.” He winked and settled back against the pillows on his bed. “But I’ve told you I’ll run with you.”

“And how would you suggest we do that when I’m here and you’re there?” Noah watched as she took a long drink of water.

“Once we’re -- once we graduate and I’m back home, we can run together,” he said, trying not to make a face at his near blunder. He’d started to say ‘once we’re married’. He changed subjects to the reason for their call. “You’re still coming up this weekend, right?”

“Yes. My classes are done at noon on Friday and I’m going to try to make the 1 o’clock train,” she told him. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” 

They hadn’t seen each other in person for several weeks and both of them were feeling the ache of being apart.

“Gable is going home so we’ll be alone.” Noah waggled his eyebrows at her and she giggled.

The conversation drifted into their respective coursework and his job offers but eventually the silences were longer than the sentences, because they were happy to just to be together, as together as a Facetime call was, and look at each other. Finally, Jesse’s eyes began to droop and Noah knew it was time to say good night. She pouted when he said so, but reminded her Friday was just a day away.

“Then I’ll hold you all night long,” he told her.

“I love you, Noh,” Jesse whispered, putting her fingertips to the screen.

“I love you, Jess. See you Friday.” He ended the call and rolled over in bed, pulling a pillow to his chest, wondering if this was how his father felt when he was away from his mom. Lately, he felt as if a piece of him was missing when he and Jesse weren’t together. Closing his eyes, Noah recalled the conversation he’d had with his father before buying Jesse’s ring. 

_ After the school year ended for both of them, putting him back in the city for the summer, the two young people had spent every waking moment they could together. Both had jobs, but evenings found them together; walking in the park, going to the movies or free concerts or simply hanging out in one of their respective homes. As the summer drew to a close, Noah began to wish he had chosen a law school in or closer to the city and he expressed that thought to his dad one night as they cleaned up after dinner. It was their habit since he was small that they did the chore together. As Noah aged, Rafael discovered the ritual provided a cover for his son to talk about things he might not otherwise. _

_ As he washed and Noah dried the pans from the evening meal, he verbalized his wish about school. Skillfully reading between the lines his father asked, not looking up from the sink of soapy water, “Is this about Jesse, mijo?” _

_ “I just can’t imagine being that far apart anymore,” Noah told him. “When I think about it; think about not being able to see her -- touch her --  every day, I almost feel like I can’t breathe, Dad.” His father nodded sympathetically and before he could offer any words of wisdom or comfort, the young man continued.  _

_ “I want to marry her dad. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Do you think we’re too young to get married?” _

_ Now Rafael pulled his hands from the sink and dried them, before putting one on each of his son’s shoulders. _

_ “Noah, I waited more than half my life to find your mother and then far too many years before telling her how I felt about her. You and Jesse are young, but I don’t think you’re too young. However, before you go popping the question, you need to talk to your Uncle Sonny.” _

_ “You mean like ask for her hand in marriage?” Noah chuckled. _

_ “It’s the right thing to do, Noh. Ultimately the decision is up to Jesse, but asking her dad shows respect.” _

********

Friday morning came and Noah still had no idea how he was going to propose to Jesse. He didn’t want to just be sitting there and be like, “Will you marry me?” He wanted something creative but not sappy. Gable had persuaded him to look up proposal ideas on Pinterest, because “that’s what the girls do”, but nothing he saw there appealed. He wasn’t going to put it her drink or her dessert; he didn’t want to risk her choking or breaking a tooth. Then, on the way to the pick up Jesse that afternoon, he passed a farm stand selling pumpkins and had an inspiration.

Noah found a parking spot and got out, leaning against the car, watching the travellers exiting the train station. A little girl about four years old came out holding her mother’s hand. She had curly blonde hair and her face was covered in freckles and Noah wondered if he and Jesse would have a child that looked like that someday. He spotted her coming out the door and raised his hand to get her attention. As Jesse saw him, her face lit up and she quickened her pace to get through the crowds. Noah returned her smile, straightened and took a step forward to catch her as she reached him and threw her arms around his neck. For a moment, the rest of the world fell away for both of them as they embraced. Noah kissed her and a flame of desire sparked to life within them both, making him pull Jesse flush against him. Mindful they were in public, she pulled back a little and looked into his blue eyes that had darkened as his body reacted to hers.

“You said Gable’s gone?” 

“For the whole weekend,” he replied, loosening the embrace and sliding her backpack from her shoulder.

“Then why are we standing here, Barba?” Jesse opened the passenger door and slid into the car, closing it firmly; leaving him standing there holding her bag. 

They spent the rest of the day and evening reacquainting themselves with each other’s bodies. Noah took his time, kissing every freckle on her face and shoulders, working his lips down over her breasts and past her belly button, pleasuring her with his mouth and fingers until her own were clutching at his curls.

Jesse rolled over, eyes closed, reaching to snuggle up against Noah’s warmth but found the other side of the bed empty and colder than she was. She opened her eyes and listened. The apartment was quiet. All she heard were the birds outside singing in the morning sun. Usually, if he was up before her he had music playing in the other room.

“Noh?” She called, sitting up and tucking the sheet under her arms. Not that there was anyone else in the apartment to see her naked. Then she spotted the piece of paper taped to the mirror. Getting out of bed, Jesse pulled on one of his discarded sweatshirts and padded across the room to read it. In his flawless penmanship -- where he got that she had no idea, because both his parents’ handwriting were atrocious -- it said,

**_Gone to the grocery store. Back soon._ **

There was no time on the note so she didn’t know how long he’d been gone. She hurried to the bathroom to shower away the remains of their night of lovemaking on her skin. A flush of heat not related to the hot water went through her as she saw the chafing on the insides of her thighs from Noah’s beard as she shaved her legs.

Jesse had just settled on the couch with a cup of coffee when a sound came from the hallway and she whipped her head around toward the apartment door. It sounded like someone was trying to kick it in.

“Jess! Open up!”

One of Noah’s size thirteens connected with the other side of the door again and she leapt to her feet. 

“Barba, what the hell? Forget how to use a doorknob?” she exclaimed, yanking open the door to reveal her boyfriend standing on the other side, two large pumpkins in his arms, staggering under their weight. She relieved him of one and turned to carry it to the kitchen table, Noah on her heels. Jesse put hers down with a thunk, while he gently lowered his to the wooden surface.

“Careful, Rollins, you’ll break it.”

“Well, if you hadn’t bought one that was half my body weight,” she retorted. “But what’s the deal, anyway? I thought you went for groceries?”

“I did, they’re in the car,” he replied. “But there was a stand selling these on my way. Aren’t they awesome?”

He was turning the pumpkin one way and then another, admiring it from all sides, assessing its jack o’lantern potential. Jack o’lanterns had been a passion of Noah’s since he was small. Before he was allowed to carve them, he painted and decorated them elaborately. The one thing he did not like was cleaning the stringy, gooey, slimey insides out of the fruit. As long as he could remember, Jesse had done that for him; after watching him, year after year, try and scoop it out with a long handled spoon, a look of disgust on his face. So he knew his plan was sure to work. Noah cut the tops off both pumpkins and Jesse immediately began pulling the guts out of hers. Reaching into his pocket, he palmed the ring he’d bought a few weeks ago and reached for a spoon with the same hand. As he reached into the orange globe, he dropped the piece of jewelry into the goop with a wince. She assumed his expression was over putting his hand into the pumpkin, not that he had just put something he’d spent the most amount of money ever on into its gooey depths..

“Oh, I’ll do it, you big baby,” she said in mock exasperation, taking the spoon from his hand and planting a kiss on his cheek. “Go bring in the groceries.”

He quickly washed his hands and hurried to the car, wanting to be there when Jesse discovered the prize in the pumpkin. To his disappointment, she made no comments about feeling anything other than slime and seeds, so he decided he needed to force her into looking at the goop more closely. However, Noah was so absorbed in sketching out a design on a sheet of paper, he failed to notice Jesse had dumped everything she’d removed from the two pumpkins in the garbage. Assuming they were still where she’d piled them on the newspaper spread out on the table, he casually asked, 

“Hey, Jess, why don’t we roast the seeds this year?”

“Shoulda’ mentioned that before I threw them all away,” she replied from the sink where she was washing her hands.

“What?!” He dropped the pencil he was using and ran to the trash can. Sure enough, all the pumpkin innards -- along with the engagement ring -- were sliding down among the rest of the trash in the can. He reached for them, and the ring he could not see, but Jesse said,

“Ew, Barba, no. You are not going to pull those seeds from the trash just to roast them. Neither of us like them that much. Come on, let’s get these carved. Contest again this year? Gable can judge when he comes back.”

Noah held back a sigh and closed the lid. He would have to find a way to go through the bag without her noticing and retrieve the ring.  He returned to sketching, but now was distracted. He couldn’t just leave the ring in the trash can! The couple worked on their jack o’lanterns and while Noah’s end product was impressive, it wasn’t his best work. He kept thinking about the beautiful diamond ring, now immersed in pumpkin slime and garbage, and mentally kicking himself for the idea in the first place. That evening, they cooked dinner together, watched a movie and went to bed, with plans of going to a local farm the next day that had hay rides and a corn maze. Jesse snuggled up to him in bed, reminding him of his promise to hold her all night. Hoping she would go to sleep right away, he flipped them so he was spooned behind her with an arm securely tucked around her waist.

“Good night, Jess.” He kissed the back of her neck.

“‘Night, Noh,” she replied, a little surprised that her boyfriend wasn’t initiating sex like he usually did when they got into bed. But she was happy to lay in his arms.

Noah lay there, watching the clock on the nightstand beyond Jesse. After about twenty minutes, he felt her relax against him and heard the even sounds of her breathing. He waited another half hour and then eased his arm from around her and slid slowly from the bed. She sighed but didn’t move. He walked quickly to the kitchen and flipped open the lid on the trash can, only to see a brand new, empty bag.

“Fuck,” he muttered. 

Jesse must have taken the bag outside at some point without him realizing. His apartment complex had a dumpster and  he tried to think when it was emptied, hoping he wasn’t going to have to climb inside to get his trash bag. Noah slipped his feet into his shoes, unlocked the door and quietly left the apartment, making his way down the stairs and outside. It was colder than he expected, and he shivered, regretting not putting on a shirt with the pair of shorts he’d pulled on. Fortunately, the dumpster area was well lit and he flipped back the lid to peer inside. There were a few bags right on top within arms’ reach, but through only one could he see bright orange slime. He breathed a sigh of relief and pulled it out onto the pavement to untie it. The smell of decaying pumpkin hit him, along with banana peels, orange rinds and coffee grinds; among other garbage. He wrinkled his nose in disgust and shook the bag a little, hoping the ring would reveal itself. That just served to make the pumpkin guts slide deeper into the bag.

“Fuck,” he repeated, realizing he was going to have to put his hands into the mess in order to find the ring. 

Grimacing, he pushed one hand into the slop, gingerly feeling for the circular shape of the metal. Feeling nothing, he began to move his fingers around, pushing his arm deeper into the bag, trying not to gag. Starting to panic as he still felt nothing but slime and gritty coffee grounds, he plunged his other hand into the bag and started to dig his fingers through the muck, as if he was digging through sand. Still nothing. Noah let out a frustrated groan. It  _ had  _ to be there. Jesse  _ had  _ to have scooped it out of the pumpkin. He wondered if there was a hole in the bag and it had fallen out. So intent on feeling his way through the disgusting mess, he jumped when suddenly he felt a warm hand on his bare shoulder, yanking his hands from the bag. It fell over, spilling onto the pavement, and spun around with a yell. Jesse was standing there, in his sweatshirt, a pair of shorts and flip flops; hands on her hips.

“Looking for something, Barba?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter we've all been waiting for: did Jesse find the ring after all or is it gone forever? And if she did, what will she say when Noah asks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I had this chapter mostly written and just needed to round it out. Sorry for the delay!

A second sassy comment died on her lips as Jesse looked at the man she loved, standing before her in just a pair of shorts and sneakers, arms covered to the elbows in sticky, gooey garbage, shivering in the night air. Suddenly, she was overwhelmed with guilt. She never thought he would go digging in the trash for the ring he believed she hadn’t found. The ring that was safe upstairs in the apartment. She thought as soon as she told him she’d thrown the insides of the two pumpkins away he’d say something. But he hadn’t. He thought it was in the trash and had snuck outside to look for it. Because, she assumed, he still wanted to propose to her in some creative or romantic way instead of saying, _ “Hey, Jess. There was an engagement ring in that pumpkin, did you find it ‘cause you didn’t say anything.” _

“Jess.” Noah was frantically trying to come up with a reason why he was outside with pumpkin guts and coffee grounds drying on his hands and forearms. But the fear that the ring he’d bought her was gone forever was the only thought filling his head. “What are you doing out here?”

“I would ask you the same thing, Noh, but I know why you’re digging through that disgusting bag and I’m so sorry. I was just going to mess with you a little bit and I thought you’d say something. But you didn’t, so I waited and you didn’t mention it all night so I thought maybe you’d bring it up when we went to bed but all you wanted to do was go to sleep. 

“Then I felt you get out of bed and heard the door open and I followed you and oh my God, Noah, I’m so sorry, I should have told you.” She finally stopped talking, took a breath and let it out again, nervously pulling her hands inside the oversized sleeves of his sweatshirt.

Noah frowned at her. “What?”

“I found the ring, babe. Not when I was cleaning out the pumpkin, but when I dumped the stuff in the trash. There it was, right on top. It’s beautiful.” Her brown eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry,” Jesse repeated.

She pushed her hand out from the sleeve and held it out to him. “Let’s go back inside. It’s cold out here.”

“Wait. You found it? You found the ring? You had it all day and you didn’t say anything?” 

“I told you, I was going to mess with you a little.”

Noah wanted to be angry with her; knew he probably should be, but he couldn’t. Relief swept through him, knowing the ring was safe somewhere and not in the gooey mess that was threatening to slide toward his feet. He looked down at his hands and arms and began to laugh, the hilarity of what he’d been doing, secretly, in the dead of night, instead of just telling Jesse struck him and he began to laugh. He threw his head back and laughed, the sound echoing in the night air. Jesse looked at him for a moment, then joined in. When they stopped to catch their breath, Noah took a step toward her, arms outstretched. She stepped back, shaking her head.

“Oh, no, Barba. You’re not touching me like that,” Jesse said, wrinkling her nose. “Toss that bag in the dumpster and let’s go inside. I’ll get the doors.” 

Back in the warmth of the apartment, Noah headed straight for the shower. Jesse went to the kitchen to make them both some hot chocolate. She may have had on more clothes but was still chilled. After filling and turning on the kettle, she went to the bathroom door and knocked; a smile on her face. Then she poked her head in. She could see Noah silhouetted behind the curtain.

“Need help washing your back?”

“Nope. I’m done.” He turned the water off and pulled back the curtain to reach for his towel.

The two of them had been sleeping together for more than six months, and Jesse still often averted her eyes when Noah was casually naked. Not this time, though. She brazenly allowed her eyes to admire his wet form; from his hair, which was hanging in damp ringlets, down his muscular chest and abdomen and lower, before meeting his blue eyes with her brown.

“See something you like, Rollins?” He asked with a wink as he briskly toweled off.

“Always do. That’s why I was going to join you. We’ve never -- showered together before.” Jesse stumbled over her words as she thought about the things they could do.

Noah wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped closer to give her a kiss.

“No, we haven’t. But we have more important things to do right now.” 

He pulled the door completely open and brushed past her to go to his bedroom. He’d like nothing more than to have taken her under the water with him but he meant what he said. He had something he needed to do. Then they’d have the rest of their lives to conserve water. The kettle was whistling so Jesse returned to the kitchen to turn it off. She was reaching into the cabinet when she felt his arms circle her waist. 

“So where is it?” he murmured in her ear.

She turned in his arms and held a mug she’d retrieved from the shelf and gave it a little shake. Noah heard the tinkling sound of metal on porcelain. He looked down into the cup and let out a sigh of relief that it really was safe. Stepping back from her, he took the mug and dumped the ring into his palm.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he said, regretfully. “I wanted it to be …… something to remember.”

“Do you not think we’ll be telling this story for years to come?” Jesse said softly. “You, in just a pair of shorts, covered in pumpkin guts?” She giggled.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Noah put a hand on either side of her waist and lifted her onto the counter making her squeak with surprise. This put them eye to eye. Then he took her left hand in his and slid the ring onto her fourth finger.

“Jesse Rollins-Carisi, will you marry me?”

She looked at the ring for a moment, then cupped his face in her hands.

“Noah, you are my best friend and my love. Yes, I will marry you.”

They smiled at each other and exchanged a tender kiss. Then another that was a little more passionate and had Jesse threading her fingers through Noah’s damp curls. His hands worked their way beneath the sweatshirt she wore, only to discover she had on nothing else.  Murmuring his pleasure against her mouth, he wondered what happened to the t-shirt she’d worn to bed, but wasn’t going to object. When he palmed her breasts, she wound her legs around his hips to pull him closer.

“Think it would work like this?” Jesse asked. She could feel he wore no boxers beneath the sweatpants he’d put on.

“Here? In the kitchen? Gable would kill me,” Noah said against the soft skin of her neck. “Besides, no condommmmmmm.” The last letter was drawn out into a groan when she wiggled against his growing arousal. 

“That’s right, you weren’t a Boy Scout,” Jesse said, pushing him away a bit so she could work her fingers into the small pocket on inside the waistband of her running shorts, from which she produced a foil packet. “I, on the other hand, was a Girl Scout.”

Noah plucked the square from her fingers and grinned.

“You were a Girl Scout until you came home crying after one night at sleepaway camp.”

“There were bugs and the food was bad! But aren’t you glad at least one of us learned to be prepared?”

His answer was to pull her back into his arms and kiss her until they were both breathless. It took a little awkward maneuvering but they got her shorts off. She hissed when her bare bottom felt the cold counter, but the heat running through her veins quickly countered that. Jesse reached for Noah’s t shirt and pulled it over his head so she could run her hands over his muscular shoulders and ghost her fingertips down his spine. When she reached the waistband of his sweatpants, she snapped the elastic gently.

“These need to come off.”

Noah told Jesse the first time they made love that it wasn’t always like it was in books and his words proved true that night as well. Movies made counter sex look so easy, he thought as they worked to get a comfortable angle and position. After a couple false starts and a fit of giggles from Jesse, he declared the position a fail.

“Hang on,” he told her, picked her up, her legs wrapped around his waist and carried her into the bedroom.

Noah put a knee on the bed he’d crept out of more than an hour ago and lowered her to the mattress, following her down. Jesse’s arms stayed twined around his neck and pulled him close for a kiss, enjoying the weight of his body on hers.

“This is better,” she said, as he pushed her sweatshirt up to kiss her breasts.

He hummed in agreement, not removing his mouth from the nipple it was teasing to a hard bud. Jesse pulled the garment over her head and tossed it aside to give him better access. He moved his lips to her neck, and then reached between them to position himself before sliding into her. They both groaned with pleasure at the joining of their bodies.

*******

“You know we need to tell the parents together,” Jesse said through a mouthful of toothpaste the next morning. It was only a lifetime of listening to Gable talk with his mouth full that Noah understood what she said.

“I know. If we tell one first, the other will be upset,” he replied. “Since tomorrow is a legal holiday, the courts are closed so both our dads will be off. Why don’t we see if we they can all meet us for lunch? I’ll drive you back.”

Jesse spat into the sink. 

“Okay.”

She rinsed her mouth and traded places with him to stand in the doorway while he went to the sink, the bathroom too small for them both to be there at the same time. As he brushed his teeth, Noah caught her admiring her ring out of the corner of his eye. 

“Does it fit all right?” he asked when he was finished. “We can take it back to the store and get it sized.”

“It fits perfectly. How did you know?”

He shrugged, and stepped closer to her, putting a hand on either side of her waist.

“I don’t know. It just felt right.” Noah kissed her. “Like everything does with you.” He kissed her again and slid a hand beneath her shirt to the small of her back and pulled her closer, offering her the affectionate little half smile he’d learned from his father. “Want to conserve water?”

*******

From where she sat, Olivia saw her son and Jesse enter the restaurant first. She nudged her husband, who was perusing the menu.

“He did it. He asked her.”

“What?” Rafael looked up at her over the tops of his reading glasses.

“Noah proposed,” she repeated to him and the other couple at the table. “Look at them.”

Amanda turned her head to look at the two young people making their way toward the two sets of parents. They were smiling and holding hands.

“Yeah, he did,” Amanda agreed with a grin. “That’s why they wanted to have lunch with us.”

The two fathers exchanged glances that said,  _ “Here we go with wedding planning.” _ and Rafael chuckled inwardly, glad he was the father of the groom.

“I think you already know why we asked you to meet us here today,” Noah said, looking around at the expectant faces of his and Jesse’s parents after they were seated at the table. He cleared his throat. “We wanted to tell you all together. I, um, asked Jesse to marry me and she said yes.”

Noah couldn’t keep the smile from his face and it was infectious. Soon, everyone was smiling and admiring Jesse’s ring. 

“I told you it was an Emerald cut,” Amanda said to Carisi. Her husband shrugged. It still looked like a rectangle to him.

“Have you thought about a date?” asked Olivia. 

It was October. If they were going to get married before Jesse entered the police academy like Noah had hinted he’d like, there weren’t very many months in between. Noah looked at Jesse. They had talked about it a little.

“I know it sounds corny maybe, but I’d like a Valentine’s wedding in February,” Jesse said.

Tapping on his Apple watch, her father pulled up a calendar for the coming year. 

“Valentine’s Day is a Saturday,” Carisi announced.

“I know. I already looked,” his daughter said with a smile. “But if you all think it’s silly.” Her face fell a little.

“Not at all, honey,” Amanda said, putting her hand on her daughter’s arm. “If you want a Valentine’s wedding, then you can have a Valentine’s wedding.”

“Thanks, Mama.”

“Told you,” said Noah, putting his arm around his new fiancee and kissing her cheek.

At her son’s words, Olivia was taken back to a time when Noah and Jesse were young and the two families had gone to Coney Island. They told the children it was almost time to leave but Jesse wanted one more ride. She didn’t want to ask, but apparently Noah had convinced her to, and when Carisi, who could deny his newly adopted daughter nothing, agreed, the boy had nudged her and said the same phrase. She looked across the table at the two of them, now adults and felt tears gather in her eyes. Rafael caught her blinking and extended his arm, mimicking their son’s action. 

“Don’t start that,  _ mi amor,” _ he whispered in her ear. “I’m not sure my handkerchief is clean.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah and Jesse have a hard time finding an apartment but his parents come to the rescue. He graduates law school and they christen their new apartment.

The next few months flew by in a flurry of school and wedding related activity. During their days off around Thanksgiving, the couple looked at apartments, hoping to be able to move in to one as soon as they graduated since Noah and Gable’s lease in Boston was up at the end of the year. But none of the places they looked at were right. If the rent was an amount they could afford, they didn’t like the neighborhood or the building or the apartment itself. If they liked anything about one, it was too expensive. Jesse told Noah she would get a part time job but he told her absolutely not. Not while she was at the police academy. If they had to move in with her parents or his until she was done and had a job with the NYPD they would. Neither one of them enjoyed entertaining the idea of sleeping in their childhood bedroom as a married couple. It reflected on their faces at brunch one Sunday with Rafael and Olivia, after they had looked at yet another unacceptable apartment. After hearing about it, the elder Barba exchanged a look with his wife, who nodded.

“We were going to wait until Christmas, but since you two seem bound and determined to move into a place together when the ink on your diplomas is still damp and can’t find a place that is both acceptable and affordable, we might as well do it now,” Rafael said.

“Do what?” asked Noah.

“We don’t want any money from you and Aunt Livvy,” said Jesse. “We want to do this on our own. We’ll figure something out.”

“This isn’t money. And you’ll still be doing it on your own,” Olivia told them. “You’ll still have to pay all the utilities and you know how Noah doesn’t turn off lights --”

“And takes long showers,” Rafael added and the couple laughed while Noah and Jesse looked at them in bewilderment.

“When we moved out of the city, your father was feeling sentimental and decided to buy my old apartment.”

“It was an investment,” said Rafael with mock indignance, and his wife waved his retort away.

“You mean the apartment where we lived before you and Dad got married?” Noah asked. When his parents got married, they moved into Rafael’s building; into a larger apartment. But he still remembered the two bedroom where he and his mother had lived from the day she brought him home as her foster child.

“Yes. That one. We’ve been renting it for years, with the intent of letting you have it when you needed a place to live; assuming you stayed in New York,” Olivia explained. “You would technically be renting, because we’ll still own it, but like I said all you’ll have to do is pay the utilities.”

“And you could save what you would otherwise be paying in rent somewhere else,” Rafael added.

The younger couple had been listening, eyes wide at the generous offer being presented to them.

“Mom, Dad -- wow! Thank you!” Noah stood and hugged them each in turn, Jesse right behind him.

 

**************

The Honorable Rafael Barba had been asked to speak at Noah’s commencement, but he declined, not wanting to take the spotlight from his son, who was graduating with honors. However, he would be seated on stage with other distinguished alumni and get to present Noah with his diploma. Before he went to take his place, Rafael sent Olivia, Jesse, Amanda and Sonny to their seats in the audience and pulled his son into a small room near the auditorium.

“You’re not going to get all emotional on me, are you, _Papi_?” Noah teased. He could see his father was brimming with pride and emotion.

The older man shook his head. He looked at Noah in his cap and gown and had so many things he wanted to say to him, not the least of which was the fact that there had a been a time when he never thought he would have a son, let alone one who had followed in his postgraduate educational footsteps.

“I just wanted to give you something, _mijo_ ,” Rafael said. He put his hand into his pocket and then held it palm up to Noah.

“That’s the Saint Thomas More medal your _Abuelita_ gave you when you graduated law school. I can’t take that!”

Rafael reached into his collar with his other hand and pulled out a gold chain from beneath his shirt.

“ _Abuela_ gave me a different one when I was appointed to the bench. This is Saint John of Capistrano, patron saint of judges,” he explained. “She found it in _mi Abuelita’s_ things. I guess she’d bought it years ago.”

“Because she knew you’d be _el juez_ , Dad.”

From the time he was small, Noah had heard the stories of how his great grandmother always believed Rafael would be a judge some day. His son’s words brought a lump of emotion to Rafael’s throat. When he left the District Attorney’s office he was glad his grandmother was no longer alive to see his disgrace. But when he ran and amazingly enough won the District Attorney seat and then when he was appointed judge the year before, Rafael could feel her watching over him and saying, _“I knew, Rafi. I knew.”_

“Maybe someday I can give you this one,” Rafael said, tucking the medal back inside his shirt. “But for now, this is yours.”

He reached up and behind Noah’s neck to clasp the chain. The young man, slid the medal under his graduation gown but let it lay over his shirt and tie beneath.

“Thanks, Dad.”

Father and son looked at each other, both fighting emotions. Rafael gave his son a quick embrace.

“Go get in line. I’d better get on the stage before the Dean has my ass, judge or not.”

They both chuckled, knowing it was true.

**************

“I feel like I should be carrying you inside,” Noah said to Jesse as he unlocked the door to their new apartment.

They had been delayed getting back to the city after his graduation due to weather, and opted out of dinner with the parents, deciding to get together the next day.

“That’s after we’re married.”

She swatted at his arm, then let out a surprised shriek when he swept her up into his arms and stepped through the doorway.

“Think of this as practice.”

Jesse giggled and put her arms around his neck and gazed into his blue eyes, with a flutter of her own lashes,

“What else should we practice, then, counselor?”

Noah grinned and turned so she could close and lock the door. Then he carried her down the hall to their bedroom. With finals and graduation he hadn’t seen much of the new apartment and as he looked around at his and Jesse’s combined furniture and belongings, along with the changes that had been made over the years by other tenants, it no longer looked like his mom’s room he remembered. For that Noah was a little grateful because he didn’t want to think about having sex with Jesse in the same room his parents once had. Letting his fiancée slide to her feet, he did notice a reminder of his childhood. Nestled against the pillows on the bed were two stuffed moose.

“Morty and -- what did you name yours?”

Noah picked up the two plush toys. When his parents bought him the stuffed animal on their vacation to Lake Placid, NY years before, he insisted they had to buy the girl version for Jesse. He didn’t realize she still had it. His had been in a box at his parents. Jesse took hers from him and adjusted the bow between the antlers.

“Molly. That’s what you told me her name was when you gave her to me. She was the first present you ever gave me and I loved her.”

“I love you. I think I did even then.”

He took the moose from her and put the two stuffed animals up on a shelf where he noticed Jesse had given Eddie a place of honor, loving her even more for that and turned all three of them away from the bed.

“I don’t think we need an audience.”

Clothes were quickly dispatched and they fell onto the bed in a tangle of limbs.

“You looked so sexy today, babe,” Jesse told him, kissing her way across his chest. “You’re going to wear suspenders for work every day, right?”

“If they turn you on that much I will,” Noah replied, running his hands from her hips up her rib cage to cup her breasts, thumbing each nipple to a hard peak, catching her gasp of pleasure with his mouth, and kissing her until they were both breathless.

“I hope you unpacked the condoms,” he panted against her neck.

Jesse could feel his erection, hard and throbbing against her hip and she wiggled her own against it, making him groan, before answering.

“Brand new box in the nightstand drawer.”

Noah reached over to open it, and pulled out a foil packet, pushing to his knees between her legs. While he rolled it on, she ran her finger tips up and down his thighs. Jesse couldn’t wait until they switched to a different kind of birth control so she could feel his all of his skin against hers. But they’d agreed to use condoms until their wedding night to make it even more special.

“Jess, what are you thinking about?”

Condom on, he supported his weight on one hand and positioned himself at her entrance before moving that hand to cup her face. She grasped his hips and pulled him down and into her, lifting her hips to meet him. Exhaling with pleasure, she smiled up at him.

“How I can’t wait to be your wife and make love without a condom between us.”

Noah lowered his head to kiss her, thrusting deeply into her, a sound of pleasure rising in his throat when she wrapped her legs around his thighs.

“Oh, Jess, you feel so good.”

Few words were spoken as they moved together. Noah picked up the pace as his own climax loomed and Jesse whimpered, grinding herself against him, seeking friction on her clit.

Then suddenly she cried out. Not with pleasure, but with shock as she was doused with cold water. Some landed on him too and he pulled out of her, sitting back on his heels, looking for the source.

“What the fuck!” he shouted.

Jesse pushed wet hair out of her face and sat up as well, rivulets of water running down between her breasts. Then she saw the culprit: a large plastic cup that had been on the small shelf that was the top of the headboard, and burst out laughing. She’d put the cup there the night before.

“Jesus, Jesse, why would you leave a full cup of water on that little ledge?”

“I was otherwise occupied with you inside me, and forgot it was there,” she retorted. “It’s just water, Noah.”

She grabbed the cup which still had a little bit left in it and flung it at him, hitting him in the chest. Then she scrambled off the bed, giggling. He followed, more slowly, a glint in his eyes.

“This is war now, Rollins,” he declared.

Jesse dashed for the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She filled a cup with water and listened for sounds on the other side. It was quiet. Opening the door a few inches, she peeked out and was hit squarely in the face from whatever container Noah had filled in the kitchen presumably. She gasped and yanked the door open, tossing her cup of water blindly as she tried to blink water from her face. The break in Noah’s laughter told her she hit her target. Wiping her face, Jesse turned back into the bathroom and moved to refill her cup when her waist was grabbed from behind. She jumped and emitted a small scream. Looking into the mirror, she saw Noah’s face smiling at her. He dropped a kiss onto her shoulder.

“Truce?” He took the cup from her hand, then turned her to face him and slid his arms around her. “You’re cold.”

“So are you.”

Jesse ran her fingers through his damp curls, pushing them back from his forehead.

“I can think of a way to warm up,” Noah pulled her closer and they shared a kiss before he continued. “Remember how the counter in the apartment in Cambridge didn’t work?”

She nodded and laughed. “Yeah. That was a fail. Why?”

“I think this one might.”

It was a different one than he remembered. The bathroom had been remodeled in the years since he’d lived there. Noah lifted Jesse to sit on the edge of the vanity beside the sink bowl and spread her legs to stand between them. His hands caressed the insides of her thighs, one ending at her feminine folds, discovering their little water battle hadn’t diminished her arousal any, even though his own erection had flagged enough he’d had to remove the condom. Jesse closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his shoulder, letting out a sigh of pleasure.

“Mmmmm, yes.”

Noah continued to finger her, circling her sensitive bud and then slipping one inside her. Jesse involuntarily clenched around his digit. Her reactions had him hardening again. He guided one of her hands to him and she sought his mouth while she stroked him, her tongue mimicking the rhythm of her hand, making him groan. He pulled his mouth from hers.

“Condom.”

“Hurry,” Jesse said, releasing him and giving his shoulder a shove.

As he turned to leave the bathroom, she smacked his ass, making him laugh. Noah was back quickly, square packet in hand. Jesse took it and helped him put on the protective sheath. As she did, she remembered the first time they made love and he wouldn’t let her, because he was so ready, he was afraid he’d come at her touch. She smiled at him.

“I know what you’re thinking, Rollins. I have more control now.”

He moved closer to her, lifting her legs so she could wrap them loosely around him, positioning himself at her entrance.

“Show me,” the blonde commanded and looked down to watch as he slowly entered her, biting her lip. “Oh my God, that’s hot.”

Jesse watched as he pumped his hips a few times.

“Jesse, baby, you feel so good,” Noah groaned. He reached for her waist and drew her closer. She tightened her legs around his thighs, pulling him deeper inside her. Yes, this counter was much better than the kitchen in his old place, he thought.

“So do you, Noh. Faster,” Jesse encouraged, kissing his chest and moving up to his neck where she sucked and bit hard enough to leave a mark.

He increased the speed and intensity of his thrusts, supporting himself with one hand on the wall mirror, the other fisted in Jesse’s hair, to tip her head back so he could kiss her, knowing his tongue and lips would bring her closer to climax. He was just about to the edge himself. She clutched at his back, digging in her nails a little, tipping her hips and grinding them against his. The small shift in position put pressure on her clit that sent a wave of pleasure through her and she clenched her thighs around him as her walls clenched around Noah inside her and she trembled and gasped as she came. Noah moved his hand from her hair to wrap his arm around her waist, pulling her even closer as he thrust deep inside and shuddered with his own orgasm.

Jesse rested her head against his chest as they caught their breath. She could hear Noah’s heartbeat begin to slow beneath her ear. He adjusted his stance to pull out and cradled her with both arms. After a few moments he kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, Jess.”

“I love you, Noah.” Then she shivered. “But I’m cold again, and hungry and tired now.”

They both laughed and he stepped back to help her down from the counter.

“Get a shower. I’ll order some food. I assume you haven’t shopped much.”

Jesse shook her head. “I was waiting for you. I’ve been eating dinner with Mom and Dad.”

Jesse showered quickly and let Noah have the bathroom while she dressed in flannel pants and a tank top, pulling one of his hoodies on over it. Feet bare, she went into the kitchen to get out plates, not knowing what he ordered. When he emerged from the bathroom, Noah wore a frown.

“What’s the matter?”

“How mad do you think our landlords will be us breaking something in the first month?” he asked.

“What?”

Noah beckoned her to follow him and he went back to the bathroom. Jesse eyes went to where he pointed. The mirror on the wall was cracked.

“Oh.”

“Must’ve been where I had my hand,” he said sheepishly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah and Jesse's wedding creeps closer and a surprise guest arrives at the rehearsal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized how long it's been since I updated this. I hope you forgive me when you read all my new headcanon. Please let me know what you think!

Embarrassed to tell his parents the truth about how the mirror got broken, and unwilling to lie, Noah and Jesse decided to save up and replace it themselves. Fortunately, there was a second bathroom that was more likely to be used by their parents when they visited. But the mirror got put on the backburner as the young couple moved into yet another new stage in their lives together. The Christmas holidays came and went as Noah began his new job with Rita Calhoun’s firm and began studying for the Bar Exam. Jesse, Amanda and Olivia worked on finalizing wedding plans. The bride found the perfect dress that made her feel like a princess, the venue and caterer was booked and flowers chosen. Noah purchased Jesse’s wedding band; a plain gold one that she could wear at the academy and in uniform without worry it would catch on anything. Noah’s was an heirloom that Rafael offered her. It had been his grandfathers, made in Cuba. Everything was going without a hitch. 

Except for two things.

Lucia Barba’s health. And Jesse’s sister, Billie.

Lucia Barba, having learned the hard way from her mother’s mistakes, had moved (with just a little grumbling) into an assisted living facility near Rafael and Olivia’s home the year before. That still hadn’t stopped her from contracting pneumonia in the spring while her son and daughter in law were vacationing in the Outer Banks, and she had never fully recovered, remaining in frail health. When Noah and Jesse visited her to announce their engagement, she promised them she would be at the wedding. But when she ended up back in the hospital in January, everyone but the Barba matriarch started having doubts.

As for Billie Rollins-Carisi, no one had heard from her since August when she arrived in Haiti for a year of service before starting college. They knew she was safe and were updated on the work the group she was with was doing via its website where photos were posted showing the 18 year old with her hair bleached nearly white blonde by the Caribbean sun. But they hadn’t heard from her personally. Jesse sent emails when she and Noah got engaged, wanting to share the silly story with her sister, but received nothing in reply. Later, she sent details of the wedding with photos of prospective wedding and bridesmaids dresses and how she wanted Billie there as her maid of honor if she could make it home. Again, no reply.

When Amanda got pregnant with Billie, she and Sonny were already engaged and had talked about moving out of the city. One particularly hormonal day when everything was going wrong -- Frannie had uncharacteristically had an accident in the apartment and they’d gotten the bill for the all extra times Jesse stayed at the aftercare program at preschool, both because neither of them been unable to get away from work and their sitter gave notice that she was returning to school full time and wouldn’t be able to watch the baby full time when it was born -- Amanda had a meltdown and said maybe they should just move to Staten Island by his parents and sisters so they could help. Later, after some ice cream and a foot massage once Jesse was in bed, Carisi brought the subject up again, asking if she had been serious. After a night to sleep on it, she told him she was. Sundays spent at his parents’ house had made Amanda appreciate the benefits of extended family and the help they could provide. They found a modest three bedroom house in the same neighborhood that the elder Carisi’s lived. Close enough to walk between but far enough to prevent unexpected visits.

Bernadette and Dominick Carisi Sr. began watching Jesse on the days she wasn’t in preschool and picking her up from the new program in which she was enrolled. When Billie was born and Sonny’s mom was more than happy to watch the infant  when Amanda returned to work. She developed a greater appreciation for her sisters in law when they ran interference for her with their mother.

_ “Ma,”  _ they helped explain _ , “it’s breastmilk. You can’t warm it up in the microwave.” _

And 

_ “Ma, you don’t have to wash the cloth diapers. ‘Manda and Sonny have a service that picks them up and brings clean ones.”  _

When Sonny suggested he’d like Billie to be baptized in the Catholic church, Amanda agreed and had Jesse baptized at the same time. She had nothing against organized religion and had been raised Baptist herself; just had drifted away from her faith as an adult. When it was time to register Jesse for school, the child told her parents she wanted to go to the same one as her friend Mary Margaret, which happened to be the Catholic school Sonny and his sisters had attended. Both Jesse and Billie attended the school from the kindergarten through eighth grade, receiving the sacraments along the way: first reconciliation, first communion and confirmation. Jesse did as most kids; learning by rote, repeating the prayers and participating in the rituals. But as she grew up, Billie embraced her faith, going to early Mass with her grandmother in high school on days she had study hall first period, joining the youth ministry and helping with the summer bible school programs. She gently encouraged her sister and parents to attend Mass with her each Sunday and often they did. Her father watched proudly on the occasions when his daughter was an altar server. During high school she went on two mission trips with the youth ministry, even though it meant missing out on vacations to the beach with her family and friends. 

But no one in her family expected her to announce, in the spring prior to her high school graduation, that she was putting off attending college in the fall to go on a year long mission trip to the Caribbean to work on some of the most impoverished islands. Billie had already been accepted at three different schools to major in both educational psychology and sociology.  Neither of her parents had been particularly enamored with her plans, but in typical daughter-of-Amanda-Rollins-fashion, Billie had played the she was a legal adult and they technically couldn’t stop her card.

“Do you think she even got my emails?” Jesse asked one night, two weeks before the wedding.

She and Noah had just climbed into bed and she looked across the room at her sister’s bridesmaid dress hanging on the closet door. Following the Valentine’s theme, Jesse had chosen a red dress for her sister, her only attendant other than her cousin Mia’s daughter, who would serve as flower girl. Gable would stand beside Noah as his best man, giving them at least one witness in the event Billie didn’t make it home; a possibility that was looking less likely as their wedding day crept closer.

“Probably not. I’m sure she hasn’t had internet in any of the places she’s been living. The people who update that website are here in the states,” Noah said.

“I know. I just was really hoping she’d be here,” Jesse told him, with a quaver in her voice.

“Turn out the light,  _ pequena _ .”

She did and then curled up in his arms under the covers.

“I know you want Billie here. If I knew how to find her, I’d go get her.”

“I know you would. That’s why I love you,” Jesse whispered, swallowing through the lump that appeared in her throat at his words.

“We’ll take so many pictures and so much video, she’ll feel like she was here when she gets back,” he promised. “And we’ll have a big party too. You can wear your dress again and she can wear hers and I’ll put on my tux and bribe Gable with a new video game to wear his again.”

Jesse giggled at the thought.

“I don’t think we need to do that, but thank you.”

“Anything for you,  _ mi amor _ .”

The morning of the wedding rehearsal, Amanda and Olivia took Jesse for a massage, manicure and pedicure. She was quiet and at first the older women thought it was the early hour. But after the massage when they were all seated in the pedicure chairs, their feet in the hot, bubbling water and she still hadn’t spoken much and was seemingly engrossed in reading something on her phone, the two women exchanged glances over the bride’s head. Her mother spoke first.

“Jesse honey, are you all right? Are you having second thoughts?”

“It’s okay if you aren’t ready,” added Olivia. “You and Noah did kind of rush this. You don’t have to be married before you start at the police academy.”

“No, Mama! No, Aunt Livvy!” 

The blonde shook her head. 

“I want to marry Noah more than anything. It’s not that. It’s just --”

She bit her lip as tears pooled in her brown eyes.

“It’s just I really wanted Billie to be here!”

“Oh, honey!” 

Amanda flipped the arm up on her chair and her daughter’s and leaned the best she could to put her arms around her.

“I know you wanted Billie to be here for the wedding. We all did. If I had been able to find her, your Daddy would have gone and brought her back.”

Jesse sniffled, and wiped a tear that had spilled over.

“That’s what Noah said too.”

Olivia smiled, knowing her son would have too, if he could have. She reached over and smoothed a hand down Jesse’s hair.

“If you want to wait until Billie’s home, I’m sure that would be fine with Noah.”

“No.” Jesse shook her head again. “We have everything planned and paid for.”

“That’s not --” her mother began, but she cut her off.

“No, Mama. Noah and I are getting married tomorrow whether Billie is here or not.”

Whether it was put on or real, Jesse’s spirits seemed to improve as they had their fingers and toes painted then went to lunch. They talked about how she was going to wear her hair the next day and where the newlyweds were going on their honeymoon. Jesse admitted she didn’t know. Noah said he wanted to make it a surprise. She told her mother and Olivia she thought they might be going to Virginia Beach or the Outer Banks since that’s where they realized their feelings for each other just the year before. 

“How did you know what to pack?” asked Amanda.

“I let Noah do it,” Jesse said with a laugh. “Although I made sure to give him my underwear to put in the suitcase.”

“You’re on your honeymoon, you don’t need them,” said her mother, making her daughter blush.

“If he doesn’t forget anything, you’ll definitely still be squabbling when you’re eighty-five,” Olivia told her.

“What?”

“Oh, that’s just a little joke between Uncle Rafa and I. Years ago, when he was agonizing over getting his Abuelita to move out of her apartment, long before we were together, he asked me what I was going to be doing when I was eighty-five and I said  _ ‘Squabbling with you?’  _ “

“What did he say?”

“He just smiled and said wouldn’t that be nice?”

“That’s so romantic, Aunt Livvy.”

Olivia laughed. “Jesse, are you still going to call me that after tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. That’s who you are.” The young woman shrugged.

“You can call me whatever you want. But speaking of names, are you going to change yours?”

“Um,” Jesse hesitated, glancing at her mother. She knew her mother had combined her maiden and married names because she and her aunt Kim were the last Rollins’ in her family. 

“Baby, if you want to take Noah’s name, that’s up to you,” Amanda said with a loving smile. “I don’t think a double hyphen would be a good idea though: Rollins-Carisi-Barba.”

Olivia added, “What if I had hyphenated Noah’s name and he was Benson-Barba? Then you could be Rollins-Carisi-Benson-Barba.”

The three women dissolved into laughter.

***********

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Jesse asked.

She was putting the finishing touches on her makeup while Noah knotted his tie behind her in the mirror. He’d told her he was going to pick up Gable at the train station.

“No. You go with your mom and dad and go whatever brides do before the wedding rehearsal.”

Noah and Jesse’s wedding was taking place at the same venue on Staten Island as the reception and they had booked it for the rehearsal as well. The room was on the top floor of the hotel and had a panoramic view from floor to ceiling windows. While the wedding meal would be a traditional Italian one, the rehearsal dinner was a menu of Cuban food that Lucia Barba had consulted on with the bride and groom, including her  _ arroz con leche  _ for dessert.

He slid his hands around her waist and pulled her back against him. Then he bent his head to kiss the spot where her neck met her shoulder, revealed by the neckline of her dress.

“You look gorgeous.” 

Jesse reveled in the feel of his lips but when she felt him start to suckle her skin, she pulled away and turned in his arms.

“No marks! I’m showing more skin than this tomorrow and I can’t have any hickeys!”

“So your dress is strapless?”

Jesse had steadfastly refused to give him any details about her wedding dress, which hung in her childhood bedroom in her parents’ house, waiting for her to put it on the next day. This was the first hint she had let slip. She wound her arms around his neck and kissed him, then slid her lips next to his ear and whispered,

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Jesse smiled seeing Gable walk into the room where the families were gathered.

“Hey, Shorty!” he exclaimed, picking her up in a bear hug.

“Hi, Gable.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Where’s Noah?”

“He’s not here with you?”

“No, he told me he was picking you up from the train.” Her smile turned to a frown,

Gable knew there had to be good reason why his best friend told his bride he was picking him up when he hadn’t. But he didn’t want to alarm Jesse.

“I didn’t see him. Maybe we just missed each other. I took a cab.” 

None of his statements were lies but it still didn’t tell Jesse where Noah was. She walked to one of the large windows. Light snow was falling. She looked down to the street and back at Gable and her and Noah’s parents.

“The roads don’t look bad.”

“They weren’t,” Gable told her. “I’ll text him. He’s probably stuck in traffic. It is Friday night.”

He walked a few steps away and sent a text to the groom.

**Where are you and why did you tell Shorty you were picking me up?**

Noah replied right away.

**_I’ll explain later. Can you stall for me?_ **

Gable bit his lip to keep from swearing out loud.

**I’ll try. You’re in traffic, right?  And you’d better not be leaving her at the altar.**

**_Of course not! And yes, tell everyone I’m stuck in traffic._ **

Noah’s best friend sighed and composed his face before turning around to face Jesse, her parents and assorted relatives who were looking at him expectantly. Gable didn’t know what Noah was up to. He just hope he’d get there sooner than later.

“Just like I said. Traffic,” he announced. “He said he’ll be here as soon as he can.” 

Since Noah told him to say that, it wasn’t technically a lie. Jesse nodded but wasn’t completely convinced and in the back of her head she was wondering if Noah was having doubts about getting married. It must have been reflected on her face, because Rafael approached her.

“ _ Pequena, _ ” he said, using his son’s term of endearment, “Noah being late does not mean he’s getting cold feet. You know what it’s like getting out of the city on Friday. Plus it’s Valentine’s weekend.”

“I know, Uncle Rafa,” Jesse replied, twisting her engagement ring around on her finger. “I just wish he’d get here.”

“He will,” Rafael assured her. He took her arm and steered her toward the bar that was set up for the dinner. “Let’s get you a drink. How about a mojito?”

Jesse was halfway through her drink when she saw Noah come into the room. He was carrying a bouquet of red roses. She rose up on her toes to kiss him when he reached her side, sliding an arm around his waist beneath his jacket.

“I know you have that thing made from ribbons to carry down the aisle, but I thought you might like these instead,” he said. “Sorry I’m late.”

“These don’t completely make up for it, Barba,” she told him, her face serious, but her eyes twinkling. “But it’s a start.”

“I’ll finish apologizing later at home,” Noah whispered in her ear, bringing a blush to her cheeks.

“Now that we have the two most important people here, let’s get started,” said Sonny. “I’m hungry.”

The small bridal party assembled at one end of the short aisle. Rafael and Noah waited at the other. Rafael had been surprised when the couple asked him to marry them. Initially he’d demurred, telling them they knew plenty of other judges who could perform the ceremony. But his son and soon to be daughter in law insisted. Beside him, his son fidgeted and kept glancing at his watch.

“You have somewhere else to be,  _ mijo _ ?” Rafael murmured, as Jesse started toward them on her father’s arm.

“Huh-uh. I mean, no.” Noah corrected himself, making his father smile. 

Then the young man added, more to himself, “I just thought by now…” and broke off as Jesse stopped in front of him, all smiles. He took her hand and moved to stand beside her in front of his father as hers took his seat. Rafael began to explain what he would say the next day, and asked who would have the rings. Before Noah could reply that Gable would, a voice rang out from the back:

“Aren’t you supposed to ask if anyone objects to these two getting married, Uncle Rafa?”

He looked up and everyone else turned to see the speaker.

“Billie!” cried Jesse.

Billie Rollins-Carisi made it halfway down the aisle before she was swallowed up by the arms of her parents and sister, all of them shedding a few tears of happiness and talking over each other. Rafael looked at Noah, who had picked up the roses Jesse dropped when she sprinted away from him toward her sister. He had a smile of satisfaction on his face.

“You knew about this, didn’t you? This is why you were late.”

Noah nodded.

“Billie texted me this morning with her flight information when she got back in the states. But then she was delayed, so I was trying to hold things up here so I could meet her at the airport. But then I ran out of reasons for why I was late so she said she’d just take a cab when she got here. We were hoping she’d make it here for dinner.”

“You know you’ve made your bride very happy,” his father told him. As he spoke, they watched as Billie must have been explaining Noah’s involvement, because Jesse pulled out of the Rollins-Carisi puppy pile, ran back up the aisle to Noah and threw her arms around him.

“If I wasn’t so happy, Barba, I’d be mad at you for not telling me!” she said.

Jesse floated through the rest of the evening on a cloud. She was so happy to see her sister and happy that she was marrying the man she loved in less than twenty four hours, she didn’t think life could get any better. 

Over dessert, Billie asked if Jesse was spending her last night as a single woman at their parents’ house. Jesse hesitated. Until now, her plans were to go home with Noah to their place and return to Staten Island in the morning to prepare.

“Have some sister time, Jess,” Noah encouraged, squeezing her hand. “Gable can keep me company tonight.”

“Yeah, we’ll hit some strip clubs on the way home, Shorty,” added Gable with a wink. “Don’t worry about us.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter, but Jesse and Noah finally become husband and wife and wedding night smut ensues, but not without a little hiccup. Later, Rafael and Olivia reminisce about their own wedding and their own canoodling is interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would be remiss in forgetting to thank Dick Wolf for creating these characters. Only this plot and a bit of head canon belongs to me.
> 
> Also, thank you to adrianna_m_scovill for creating Gable and letting me borrow him. Noah couldn't get married without his best friend by his side.
> 
> As always, thank you to theoofoof for reading over my shoulder, finding my errors and typos and helping me when I forget things. 
> 
> And last but not least, thank you to my lovely readers who indulge me with this storyline and continue to read. I love you all!

Noah couldn't take his eyes off of Jesse and had to remind himself to breathe. It was if time had stopped and they were the only ones there as she walked toward him. She was radiant in a white, off the shoulder dress with a lace bodice and lace sleeves that came to her elbows. The skirt was satin with lace at the hem. In the hand not holding her father's arm she held a bouquet of white flowers interspersed with some of the roses he'd brought her the night before. As they'd practiced, Jesse handed her bouquet to Billie, took Noah’s hand and they turned to face Rafael, who was looking very official in black judge's robe over his tuxedo.

“You are breathtaking,” Noah whispered, fingering a tendril that framed her face. “But you're short. No sexy high heels?”

She dropped his hand and grabbed two handfuls of her skirt, lifting it to expose a pair of red high top Converse. He smiled broadly. She dropped the fabric and took his hand again. 

  
“Let’s do this.”

Rafael looked at the couple standing before him, then glanced over at his wife seated beside his mother. He could see tears glistening in both their eyes. He winked at his son. Reaching beneath his robes, he removed his handkerchief from his pocket. 

“Give me yours,” he whispered and Noah did as told, with a puzzled look. 

Then he stepped back and walked around Gable, knowing everyone in the room was watching; wondering what he was doing. He approached the two women and handed first one to his mother and then to Olivia with a small smirk. As expected, her tears turned to an exasperated, loving smile. 

“Smart ass,” she said as he bent to kiss her cheek.

Then he straightened, returned to his place and looked over at the bride’s side to address Carisi.

“Counselor, do you have your ladies covered or do you need Gable’s?”

The best man, playing along, had his handkerchief out and was holding it in the direction of Jesse’s parents. Carisi put up his arm and waved him off.

“We’re good, Your Honor. Carry on.”

A wave of laughter rippled through the guests.

The ceremony itself was brief and a soon by the power vested in him by the state of New York, Rafael declared the couple Mr. and Mrs. Noah Barba. 

Rafael and Olivia had just returned to their table after a spin around the dance floor when Noah approached them.

“Dad,  _ Abuela  _ said she wants to leave,” he said a small frown furrowing his brow. 

He and Jesse had been sitting talking with his grandmother after he’d convinced her to take a few steps to the music with him for the photographer when she suddenly announced she was ready to go. Rafael hurried to his mother’s side.

“Mom, are you feeling okay?”

“I knew Noah would come bother you instead of just calling me a car.” Lucia pursed her lips. “I’m fine, Rafi. Just tired. It’s been a long day for an old lady like me.”

“You’re not old,  _ Mami _ .”

She patted his face. “If you say so. Now, are you going to call me a car?”

“No, I’m going to take you home.”

“You are not, Rafael,” Lucia argued. “This is Noah’s -- your  _ son’s  _ wedding. You need to stay here.”

They bickered for a few moments before Noah and Gable stepped in with a suggestion. The two young men had been watching the conversation and knew neither mother nor son were going to budge.

“How about if I escort  _ Abuela Lucia  _ home?” Gable asked with a smile and a little bow. Between his own grandmothers and multitudes of great aunts, he was well versed in charming elderly ladies. Besides, Lucia was just as much his grandmother as she was Noah’s after all these years.

“That’s a perfect idea,” Lucia declared, and held out a hand for the best man to help her up.

“I’ll be back in time to catch Shorty’s garter,” Gable promised Noah.

Bride, groom, Rafael and Olivia bid the Barba matriarch goodnight and watched as she made her way to the door on Gable’s arm. True to his word, Noah’s best friend was back shortly, assuring all the Barba’s he’d seen Lucia to her rooms and that the night shift staff knew she had returned.

As he predicted, Gable caught the garter that Noah pulled from his bride’s leg with his teeth. Jesse giggled when her husband lifted her voluminous skirts and put his head under them. Her laughter turned to a quiet gasp when she felt his mouth on her thighs, and she bit her lip when his hands gently parted them, his thumbs brushing over her satin covered mound. Noah kissed and suckled a spot on her inner thigh, making her panties grow damp, before grasping her red garter with his teeth and pulling it down over her knee and off her leg, emerging triumphant, his face flushed with heat and the beginnings of arousal. His blue eyes met hers and he leaned in to kiss her where she sat in a chair on the dance floor.

“Those red panties are coming off with my teeth too,” he whispered before their lips met.

“I can’t wait,” she whispered back.

“Get a room!” Someone shouted, probably one of Jesse’s cousins, and Noah looked in the direction of the voice, raising his own to be heard over the laughter, spinning the garter on his finger.

“Don’t worry, we are. As soon as someone catches this and her bouquet.”

It ended up being Billie who caught her sister’s flowers, and blushingly sat down to let Gable slide the garter on her leg. The best man was equally red faced and Noah wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol he’d consumed or the blonde maid of honor who smiled at him as he fumbled with the red elastic. Music resumed and Gable held out his hand, asking Billie for a dance. Other guests joined them and the newlyweds decided to take that opportunity to quietly make their departure. They said goodbye to their parents and quickly left the room before anyone else noticed. 

As soon as the elevator doors closed, Noah pinned Jesse to the wall with his body and kissed her until she was breathless and whimpering, while his hands fumbled in her hair, pulling out hairpins and dropping them to the floor. She had a fleeting thought of being glad she’d removed her veil when the dancing began and that the headpiece and lace was safely with her mother. With a soft ping, the doors opened on the floor where their room was located and Jesse weakly pushed him away from her and took his hand to lead him into the hallway. Her head still spinning from his kiss, she stumbled slightly on the hem of her dress. Noah paused for a moment then swung her up into his arms.

“Room key is in my jacket,” he told her and she reached inside his jacket to feel for the plastic card, running her hand over his chest as she did so.

At the correct door, she reached over, swiped it to unlock the mechanism and turned the handle so they could enter the room. It was dimly lit. The king sized bed had been turned down and heart shaped chocolates lay on the pillows. A bottle of champagne was chilling in a nearby bucket and a bowl of strawberries sat on a table.

“Nice,” she said taking it in. Then, “Put me down, Barba. Unless you want me to leave this dress on.”

“Not a chance,  _ Barba. _ ” A big grin filled his face as he repeated the surname back at her, and lowered her legs until her red sneakers touched the ground. Then he spun her around and moved her hair out of the way so he could kiss the back of her neck and shoulders left bare by the dress. 

“Can I leave a mark now?” Noah murmured against her skin.

“As many as you want,” Jesse told him and gasped when she felt his teeth.

His hands moved from her shoulders to her waist and then to the top of the gown where they stopped and he groaned when he got his first good look at the row of tiny buttons that followed her spine from the middle of her back to the curve of her buttocks.

“Shit, Jess, how many buttons are there?”

His bride laughed, a low throaty chuckle that sent a zing of arousal to his groin. 

“Look closer, Noh. They’re just for show. There’s a zipper.”

Jesse felt his fingers fumble for a moment and then cool air hit her skin as he slowly lowered the zipper, his mouth following the path with open mouthed kisses, raising goosebumps on her back and arms. When it was down far enough he could see a bit of red lace, he moved his hands to push the sleeves from her arms. The dress fell from her body to land in a pouf of lace and satin around her ankles and all she was left wearing were the red panties and her high tops. Turning in the puddle of fabric, Jesse looked at Noah.

“You have too many clothes on.”

He shed his jacket, revealing a pair of red suspenders beneath, making her smile. She’d had her hands under his jacket several times during the evening and felt them, but didn’t realize they weren’t black.  Noah tossed the jacket on a nearby chair and slid his hands under the braces so they fell down his arms to hang at his sides. The action was primitively sexy to Jesse and she felt a rush of desire for her new husband, wanting him to undress more quickly. But he put his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him, her bare breasts pressing against his shirt. She wound her arms around around his neck and carefully stepped out of the dress before going on her toes and pressing her lips to his.

“Better, but still too many.”

“So take something off of me,” he ordered between kisses, his hands roaming her back and cupping her bottom over the red lace, holding her hips firm against him so she could feel his erection through his pants. Jesse rocked against it as her fingers nimbly untied his bow tie. She unbuttoned his shirt, then pulled it from his trousers and pushed it from his shoulders. 

“Cufflinks,” Noah mumbled against her lips.

“Damn.”

They pulled away from each other and he offered her each wrist in turn. She removed the gold monogrammed squares and placed them on the nearby table, along with his watch. Then Jesse helped remove his shirt and tugged his undershirt up over his head, pressing kisses against his chest; making him shiver when her lips grazed his flat nipples. Her hands worked at the closure of his tuxedo pants while his were cupping her breasts, teasing their peaks slowly with his thumbs. Finally she got the pants open and zipper released and reached her hand inside to palm him. Noah groaned and pushed his pants to fall from his hips, then remembered he still wore shoes, and quickly toed off the shiny footwear and stepped away from the clothes on the floor and pulled Jesse toward the bed. 

“Ow! Jess, you still have your shoes on?” He said when she stepped on his toes. She looked down and saw he still wore his socks. Black ones with red hearts.

“Nice socks.”

“Dad gave them to me. And the red suspenders. Said I needed to get into the spirit of the event.”

She gave his tented boxers, also adorned with hearts, a pointed glance.

“Oh, I definitely think you’re in the spirit. Now help me off with these shoes.”

Noah gave her a playful shove and she fell back onto the mattress. Then he picked up one foot and untied the red sneaker, loosening the laces enough so he could pull it off and remove the sock she wore beneath it. Then he placed her foot flat on the bed, knee bent, and repeated his actions with the other leg so she lay there, legs open wide to him, clad only in her red panties which were dark with wetness.

“God, you’re beautiful, Jess.”

He leaned over her, caging her in with his arms to kiss her. Before she could put her arms around his shoulders, he moved down her body, kissing and sucking, leaving marks on her neck and shoulders, upper chest and rib cage.

“Mine,” he murmured. “ All mine.”

Jesse closed her eyes and combed her fingers through his curls, tightening on his scalp when his mouth moved to her hips and she felt his teeth scrape her skin as he grasped the edge of the lace covering her and began pulling them down her thighs, with just a little help from his hands. She lifted her hips from the bed to aid him and was urging his mouth closer to her soaked center, when he stopped and spoke.

“Jesse, you’re bleeding.”

Her eyes snapped open and she released his head, pushing to a sitting position to gaze between her legs. Sure enough, mixed with her feminine wetness were smears of blood on her inner thighs. She fell back on the bed and covered her face with her hands.

“Noooo,” she wailed softly. “Not today.” Then louder, “Fuck.”

"What is it? Are you okay?” Noah moved to lay beside her, prying her hands away. “I thought you already had your period?”

“I did. But goddammit, it’s the birth control pills,” she snapped, then pulled a pillow over her face.

Jesse had started taking birth control pills so they wouldn’t have to use condoms once they were married. So far they were working as expected. She’d even had the added benefit of some clearer skin. Noah gently lifted the pillow and set it aside, tipping her face toward him when she turned it away.

“Jess, look at me. Talk to me. What can I do?”

Teary brown eyes met blue.

“Nothing. It’s called breakthrough bleeding. It can happen when your body is getting accustomed to the hormones,” she explained. “So much for a wedding night. I’ll just go get a shower and we can go to sleep.”

Jesse moved to roll away from him and get off the bed but Noah reached out and put his arm around her waist, stopping her.

“Let go, Noah.”

“Nope.”

He pulled her back and moved so his body was over hers, pinning her down.

“What? We can’t.” She pushed ineffectively at his shoulders when he flexed his hips, making sure she felt that his desire for her hadn’t waned.

“It’s just a little bit of blood, right? Not a full blown period?”

Jesse nodded.

“Okay. So while I don’t think I want my mouth down there right now, it’s not enough to stop me from making love to you for the first time as your husband.”

Noah’s gentle words were enough to make a tear escape from the corner of an eye. He thumbed it away and lowered his head to kiss her as equally gently.

“I’m washable. You’re washable. I don’t want to wait another minute to be inside you, skin to skin.”

He kissed her again.

“Yes?”

“Yes,” Jesse whispered. Just when she thought she couldn’t love him any more, she thought, he went and did something like this.

“Then take those panties off. I’ll be right back.”

He dropped another kiss on her mouth and rolled away from her, off the bed. She watched while he stepped into the bathroom and returned with a towel.

“To lay on,” he said. “So we don’t mess up the sheets,”

Jesse took it from him and spread it out on the bed, shimmied out of her underwear, then watched as he did the same, before joining her on the terrycloth and positioning himself between her legs.

“I might need a little help to regain momentum,” he said with a sheepish grin. 

She reached out and wrapped her hand around his length. A few strokes and it was back to full attention. 

“God, that feels good. But being inside you will feel even better,” Noah told her.

Jesse’s eyes fluttered closed as he kissed her breasts and neck, making his way to her mouth where he gently bit her lower lip before soothing it with his tongue. She returned the kiss eagerly, running her hands through his hair, pulling him close. Like the first time they made love, Noah wanted to make sure her body was ready for him so he kissed and caressed her until she was raising her hips against his, wrapping a leg around his to pull him closer.

“Please. I want you inside me,” she pleaded.

He reached between their bodies and lined up the head of his erection at her entrance. Then, supporting his weight on his head so he could watch her face, Noah sheathed himself within her in one thrust. The new sensation had him closing his own eyes at first. Skin on skin, with no latex barrier between them was totally different. The heat, the slickness, the gentle fluttering of her walls around him. He sank deeper, opening his eyes again at the sighing sound she made. Her brown eyes were filled with tears that spilled over at how so much more intimate the sensation was without a condom. This was making love, she thought, and clutched at his back, urging him deeper still. Jesse thought she could feel every ridge and vein on him.

“Jess?”

She shook her head. 

“I’m fine. I’m wonderful. This is wonderful.”

“Yes, it is,” he agreed, kissing her cheeks and licking away the salty tracks before withdrawing and plunging into her heated core again and again until he could feel her walls begin to pulse around him.

“Noah, Noah, Noah,” she chanted as she felt the climax building.

“My love. My love,” was his reply. “So close. I’m so close.”

She tilted her hips and wrapped both legs high around his thighs, drawing him deeper, putting delicious friction on her sensitive nub with every thrust.

“Come with me, baby,” she demanded as she shuddered and began her own orgasm, squeezing and pulsing around him as she did, the sensation taking him over the edge as well. Jesse gasped as she felt him ejaculate inside her, filling her, as he shuddered then stilled as he came, before rolling to his side so as not to collapse his weight atop her, taking her body with him as he did, not wanting to pull out of her just yet.

Noah pulled the covers over them and they kissed and caressed, limbs intertwined coming down from the high that was their first time as husband and wife, even dozing for a short while, until finally a full bladder made Jesse shift from his arms. He tried to hold her close, but she kissed him and said, 

“Gotta pee.”

As she made her way to the bathroom, something trickled down her thigh and she realized what went in her, had to come back out eventually. In addition to the stupid breakthrough bleeding. Jesse crinkled her nose and decided a shower was in order. After emptying her bladder, she turned the taps on and soon there was a light knock at the door.

“You okay?”

She opened it to find Noah there, looking concerned.

“Yes. Just cleaning things up. How gross are you?” 

Jesse kept her eyes above his waist. He shrugged. 

“Didn’t even look, just wiped off with the towel and rolled it up. Housekeeping will just think you were a virgin or something.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Let me wash off and then you can join me if you want,” Jesse offered.

“You don’t have to ask twice.”

They made love again in the shower, then curled up in bed, still too keyed up from the whole day to sleep yet, feeding each other strawberries and watching a late night talk show. Finally, Jesse began to yawn. Noah put the bowl of remaining fruit on the nightstand and turned off the light.

“Good day, Mrs. Barba?” he asked, pulling her so she was spooned against his chest, their legs intertwined.

“Very good, Mr. Barba,” she replied with a giggle. “Say that again.”

“What? Mrs. Barba?” Noah brushed her hair aside and kissed her neck. “Mrs. Barba. Mrs. Barba. Mrs. Barba.” He punctuated it each time with a kiss, laughing by the time he was done.

“I love you, Noh.” Jesse turned in his arms so she could kiss his mouth.

“I love you too, Jess.”

The elder Mr. and Mrs. Barba had also gotten a room in the hotel for the evening, rather than return home and were curled up in bed themselves. Olivia had her head on his shoulder, toying with the medal around his neck, while his fingers combed through her hair. Rafael asked Olivia if she remembered their wedding day.    
  
“The actual one or the one we invited people to?” 

“Either.” His shoulder moved under her head in a shrug.

“Well, the actual one was a little surreal, not knowing if you were going to end up in jail a few days later.”

“I wish I’d been able to take you somewhere then, at least for one night.”

“It didn’t matter. I was so happy to be married to you I didn’t care where we spent our first night as husband and wife. And we did have a honeymoon of sorts.”

“We had some fun in that old apartment. Good thing the walls can’t talk. The kids would be appalled,” Rafael chuckled and she joined in.

“Especially if Noah knew what went on when he was in the next room.”

“He isn’t now,  _ mi amor _ . Want to make some noise?”

Rafael rolled and pushed her to her back, his mouth finding the sensitive spot on her neck. He was working his way down her body and had just pushed her nightie up over her hips when they heard a muffled ringtone. He looked up at her.

“Yours or mine?”

“Mine,” she said with a sigh, but in her head she was wondering who could be calling.

He moved and she rolled from the bed to open her evening bag that matched her mother of the groom dress and remove her phone. The caller ID said St. Barnabas Senior Living.

“It’s your mom’s place,” she told him, answering the call. “Hello?”

Rafael immediately rolled to a sitting position and moved to stand beside her, straining to hear the caller.

“This is his wife,” Olivia said. “No, he’s here with me. I don’t know why we didn’t hear his phone. Why? Really? I’ve been married to him for twenty years. Oh, all right.”

She handed him the phone.

“They need to talk to you and won’t  tell me why.”

A curl of uneasiness began forming in his stomach as he lifted it to his ear.

“This is Rafael Barba.”

Olivia watched as the color drained from her husband’s face and she took his arm to guide him to sit on the edge of the bed as he listened to the woman on the other end of the phone. There could only be one reason why Lucia’s assisted living facility would be calling at this hour. Finally he spoke again, his voice hoarse.

“Yes, I understand. We’ll be there in the morning. Thank you for calling.”

He let the phone drop to the bed and bent over, elbow on his knees, face in his hands.

“She’s gone, Liv.” His voice was muffled, but she understood what he said. Olivia put her hand on his back and rubbed it soothingly. 

“How?” she asked softly.

“They went in to do the nightly check, and she was in her recliner instead of her bed. They said she must have fallen asleep there and -- “ his voice cracked, “ -- died in her sleep.”

“Oh, Rafa!” Olivia’s own eyes filled with tears.

He reached out and wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his face in her stomach. She put hers around his head and shoulders and murmured comforting words as he cried. In the nearly three decades Olivia had known him, this was one of few that she could remember him crying. Rafael Barba was like a marshmallow held over the campfire a little too long: hard on the outside, but gooey underneath. She’d seen tears in his eyes many times: when he told her about Ashtonja Abreu and her mother, when he told the jury that  Mehcad Carter would never go home again, the night he told her his grandmother had died and again when they visited her grave after he was sworn in as judge and when he took the stand in his own defense. But actually crying. Those times had been few.

He didn’t cry for long, though, and finally pulled away, wiping his face. She went to her purse and retrieved the handkerchief he’d given her hours earlier and handed it to him. He took it and offered her that lopsided, half smile he’d been giving her for decades and was one of the things that first won her heart.

“They called the funeral home already, and they’ll come and get her,” Rafael said. “We need to go there in the morning and sign the papers to close her account at the facility and make arrangements for her things. Tell them if we will pack them up or want them to do it.”

After decades of working in education, Lucia Barba was a consummate planner. She’d had her funeral arrangements completed and paid for for years. All her family needed to do was show up, she’d told her son with a wink.

“I’m glad she went peacefully. And I’m glad she was able to see Noah and Jesse get married,” Olivia told him. “We need to tell them. You know he’s going to want to postpone their honeymoon.”

Rafael shook his head.  “I won’t let him do that.”

She put her hand on his arm.

“That needs to be their decision and you know what it’s going to be. She was the only grandmother Noah ever knew. Well, other than -- nevermind. He will want to be there to say goodbye. You know he will. But we don’t need to interrupt their wedding night. We’ll tell them in the morning.”

Olivia slid her hand down to grasp his.

“Come to bed, my love. Let me hold you.”

He let her lead him around the side of the bed and crawled back under the covers where they’d been only minutes before but what felt like hours. Then she went to her side and got in, reversing their positions from earlier. Now his head was pillowed on her chest. He wrapped one arm tightly around her waist and breathed in her scent, allowing it to comfort him; while she combed her fingers through his hair, her nails gently raking his scalp. Finally when his breathing evened out and she knew he was asleep, Olivia allowed her own tears to fall, running down the sides of her face onto the pillow. It was one thing when her own mother died, years ago. She mourned the loss but had been mourning the loss most of her life. But Lucia was everything a mother should be and everything Olivia had tried to be for Noah. She had been Rafael’s protector and defender, his cheerleader as well as his harshest critic at times. Olivia knew the bond between mother and son was unique and strong and her husband was going to have a hard time letting go. Her heart broke for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :::::::::::ducking the tomatoes being thrown in my direction:::::::::::::::
> 
> I'm sorry! Please don't hate me. If it helps I made myself and theoofoof cry while I wrote it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah's parents break the news to him and Jesse about his grandmother's death and everyone begins to mourn Lucia Barba.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hankies at the ready, because I nearly ugly cried writing this chapter. I think I've fulfilled my Barson angst quota for the year now.

The sky was still gray when Olivia got out of bed. Her sleep had been fitful and every time she woke, Rafael was snuggled against her, holding her tight. Placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, she eased her way out of his embrace. She stood in the shower longer than usual, thinking about her mother in law. Lucia Barba had accepted her and Noah into her family without hesitation from the first time Rafael took them to meet her.

It was Christmas Eve. Lucia had invited them for dinner and Rafael wasn’t sure if Olivia would want to introduce six year old Noah to another grandmotherly figure so soon after the Sheila Porter debacle, but she was more than willing. She hadn’t said so to him at the time, but she was hoping his mother would be able to replace the unpleasant memories both she and Noah had of Sheila. And she quickly had. Olivia remembered dashing from the room, moved to tears after seeing Lucia take Noah onto her lap to read one of the books she’d gifted him as if she’d been in his life from the day Olivia brought him home.

When she emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, her husband was awake and lying on his back hands behind his head, looking at the ceiling. She could see a track on his cheek from at least one tear. Olivia was sure many more would be shed before Lucia’s funeral was complete. He turned his head toward her and offered a small smile.

“Good morning. I’m sorry if you couldn’t sleep.”

She shook her head and moved to stand beside the bed. Leaning over, she kissed him, ghosting a thumb over his cheek to wipe away any residual moisture.

“Wasn’t your fault.”

Rafael tugged at the towel and it fell away.

“We have some unfinished business,” he said, his smile growing as his eyes roamed over his wife’s naked form.

Even though she was retired from the police force, she still visited the gym two or three days a week, and the other days used the treadmill at home. He often told her he wished he had her motivation to work out. Olivia always replied that _he_ was her motivation. Rafael pulled her down onto the bed with him, and pushed away his thoughts of sadness for a short while by focusing on giving pleasure to the woman who’d had his heart for more than 20 years.

The newlyweds were up almost as early. Not because they couldn’t sleep, but because they were starving. In the middle of the night, after another round of lovemaking that began when Jesse woke Noah up with her mouth, coaxing his erection to life before he was completely awake; something she shyly admitted she’d always wanted to do, they both realized neither had eaten much of the dinner served at the reception. They had been too busy socializing and having their picture taken.

“Dining room or room service?” he asked, nuzzling her neck.

“Mmmmmm, we don’t have to get dressed for room service. But what time do we have to check out?” Jesse replied, tipping her head back to allow him more access.

“Part of the honeymoon package is a late check out. So not until one I think,” Noah replied before sucking hard enough to make a mark and make her utter a breathy moan.

The sound of their stomachs growling in unison interrupted the moment and made them both laugh. He rolled away and got out of the bed to look for the room service menu when his phone chimed with an incoming text. Noah dug for his tuxedo pants in the pile of clothes on the floor where they landed the night before and reached in the pocket.

“It’s from my mom,” he told Jesse. “They’re getting ready to go home and want to stop by here first. Is that okay?”

“Sure. Tell them to give us a few minutes to get dressed.”

Less than half and hour later, they were dressed and their clothes from the night before were tidied when there was a knock at the door. Noah opened it to see his parents, each holding take out cups of coffee in their hands and looking, he thought, a little serious and tired.

“Thought you might want this,” said Rafael, handing Jesse a cup. Olivia did the same to Noah.

“Thank you, Uncle Rafa!” She cradled the cup in her hands, inhaling the aroma. “Oh, is that weird now? Should I call you Dad?”

“You call me whatever you want, sweetheart.”

Rafael pulled out a chair at the small table and sat down. He eyed the unopened champagne, mostly empty bowl of strawberries without comment but the sight of a stray sock of Noah’s with its red hearts hanging on the back of the other chair tugged up the corner of his mouth in a half grin.

“Noah, Jesse, we need to tell you something,” started Olivia, knowing the words would be hard for her husband to get out.

“What, Judge Barba did it wrong and we’re not really married?” Noah quipped, putting an arm around his wife. When neither of his parents laughed along or even smiled, he stopped. “Okay, I know my jokes aren’t as good as Dad’s, but I usually get a smile from one of you. What’s wrong?”

His father swallowed hard and looked at him solemnly.

“Honey, your _Abuela_ died last night,” Olivia told her son, putting a comforting hand on her husband’s shoulder. He reached up and put his over it.

“What? How? She was fine when Gable took her back, wasn’t she?”

Noah was shocked. He knew his grandmother had gotten frail but this was unexpected. His arm dropped from around Jesse and she now moved hers to place her palm against his back. Rafael met his son’s eyes for the first time and the younger man saw the grief his father was trying to hold back.

“She died in her sleep, _mijo,_ ” he said. Then he cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders. “And you know your _Abuela_ , she had everything planned, so the funeral will be in a few days. But I don’t want you to delaying your honeymoon.”

“No!” Noah burst out. “We’re not going anywhere until after the funeral, Dad. How could you even think that?”

Olivia heard the emotion in her son’s voice and watched as the two men she loved most had a brief nonverbal war; blue eyes challenging green. Jesse ended the clash of gazes by speaking, her hand rubbing comfort on her new husband’s back.

“Of course we won’t leave until after _Abuela_ Lucia’s funeral,” she said firmly. “Even if we have to change flights.” She paused and added. “Do we have to change flights, babe? You still haven’t told me where we’re going.”

Noah shook his head.

“No, we don’t. We’re driving.” He looked away from his father to his mother. “And we’re staying.”

Olivia nodded. She knew the conversation was over.

After his parents had gone, Noah and Jesse decided to forego ordering room service and just return to their apartment. They packed their things in relative silence. Jesse wasn’t quite sure what to say to the man she had known all her life. This was the first death of a close relative either of them had experienced. Her grandfather and both her grandmothers were both still alive. She’d heard her dad say his parents were competing to see who could outlive the other, and her mom had often said her Grandma Rollins was too well preserved to ever die; pickled from all the cocktails she’d drank. Of course that was usually when her mother herself had had a few. The new bride was sad for her husband, but she was more sad for her new father in law. Rafael was usually one of the most upbeat, happy looking people she knew, but this morning he looked lost. Even Noah had noticed. On the ride home he said,

“Did you notice how sad my dad looked? Like he was trying not to show it, but he’s really upset. God, Jess. I can’t imagine my mom dying.”

Jesse took his hand and laced their fingers together.

“I did. And someday when that time comes, you’ll have me. Just like your dad has your mom.”

Noah lifted her hand and kissed the back of it.

“I knew there was a reason I married you.”

True to his promise months before, Noah carried Jesse over the threshold when they arrived at their apartment. As they entered the living area he stopped at the sight of it filled with wrapped packages; their wedding gifts that had accumulated the night before.

“How did these get here?” Noah asked, lowering Jesse’s feet to the ground.

“Billie,” she replied. “She asked me how we were getting all the presents home and when I said I hadn’t a clue, told me to give her my key and she’d take care of it.”

“With a little help from Gable I suspect. They seemed to be hitting it off.”

“She just turned 19, Barba,” Jesse warned, narrowing her eyes. “Don’t you think she’s a little young for Gable?”

“The man plays video games. Mentally, they’re the same age,” Noah laughed and she joined in.

“He works with numbers all day. He needs to do something for fun.  And actually, mentally Billie is about 30.”

She started to walk toward the kitchen with the intent of making coffee. Her earlier hit of caffeine needed reinforcement. But Noah grabbed her hand stopping her progress. Jesse turned her head to look at him.

“What? I was going to make coffee and then we can open presents. It’s like Christmas in February.” She smiled at him.

Noah tugged on her arm hard enough to make her stumble back toward him and he caught her in his arms, pulling her close.

“Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?” He kissed her. “And how much I love you?”

Jesse combed her fingers through the hair at the back of his head.

“You may have mentioned it. But feel free to say it again.”

She returned the kiss and felt him smile against her lips.

“I. Love. You.” He separated the words with a kiss that got longer each time until the last one when he moved his hands to cup her face and plundered her mouth with his tongue. When he pulled away so they could catch their breath, Jesse decided both coffee and presents could wait.

She took two steps back, pulled off her sweater and tossed it at him. He caught it as she turned and ran for the bedroom, calling over her shoulder as she did,

“Last one naked is on the bottom!”

Noah strolled slowly down the hall, unbuttoning his shirt as he went.

The elder Barba’s invited the newlyweds for dinner that evening, telling Noah they’d like his thoughts on some of the funeral details Lucia hadn’t already decided. When the meal was over, Jesse said she and Noah would clean up, but Olivia said she would help her and sent Noah to find his father. Rafael had excused himself shortly after they’d finished talking about the funeral. Lucia would be laid out at the funeral home for one evening in a few days’ time and the funeral Mass would follow the next morning, concluding with her burial in the cemetery next to her mother, where her husband was also interred.

Noah looked first in his father’s den, which had been his sanctuary from the time they moved into the house. With two walls of built in bookcases the room had appealed to the scholar in Rafael and was the deciding factor between this and another home they’d looked at. When Noah was younger, he’d sit in the large leather chair and do homework while his dad worked at his desk. But the room was empty, as was his parent’s bedroom. He was about to check his old room when he heard a sound from another. It was the spare bedroom his grandmother had used on occasion before she moved into the assisted living facility. Times like the night before Thanksgiving, so she could get up before dawn to put the turkey in the oven.  Or Christmas Eve, after their big Cuban dinner and midnight Mass, so she could be there in the morning when he woke up to see what Santa had brought. It still had her own little touches. Like crocheted doilies beneath the lamp on the nightstand and the dresser and a sewing basket on the floor beside the wingback chair in the corner, filled with yarn and crochet hooks and knitting needles. The lights were off but Noah could see his father sitting in the chair as he entered the room.

“Dad?”

Getting no answer he crossed to the matching, wooden-legged footstool in front of the chair and sat down. Rafael looked at his son with tear-stained cheeks. Noah was taken aback. He had never seen his father cry before. There had been a few times he’d seen him blink back tears and make a humorous comment to deflect attention from his emotions, but this was something he’d never experienced and he wasn’t sure what to do.

“ _Papi_ , are you okay?”

Rafael shook his head, and covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Noah scooted closer and put his arms around his father, offering the same kind of non verbal comfort he’d been on the receiving end of so many times over the years.

“I know I’m an old man, but she -- she was my mother!” Rafael choked out, and moved his arms to wrap them around his son.

“I know, I know,” said Noah gently.

He wanted to cry along with his dad but held back his own tear as the roles of parent and child were reversed for a few minutes as he held the older man and let him mourn the loss of his mother. Finally, Rafael let go and pulled away, sitting back in the chair. He patted his pockets but Noah had his handkerchief out faster and handed it to him. His father smiled at him, and used it to wipe his face and nose. He didn’t know what to say. He was a little embarrassed at having been caught by his son losing control of his emotions. He sniffled, and offered Noah his trademark lop-sided grin, which told the younger man his dad was coming back to himself.

“Don’t tell your mother about this, _mijo._ ”

“I won’t,” Noah promised. “But she sent me to find you. What do we tell her?”

Rafael clapped his son on the shoulder.

“I’ll take care of it.”

Father and son rose and left the room. Rafael detoured to the bathroom to splash his face. Noah returned to the kitchen where his mother and Jesse were seated at the table talking over coffee, the dishwasher humming in the background. Olivia looked up as he entered and slid into a seat beside his wife, snagging the cup she had in front of her and downing a couple swallows to wash away the emotions still lingering in his throat. She started to protest in jest, but saw a look in his eyes and stopped.

“Did you find him?”

“He did,” replied Rafael, coming into the kitchen and going to the coffee pot to pour himself a cup. “I was just giving Noah a little father-son advice for his honeymoon.”

He winked at his wife, who rolled her eyes as Jesse covered her face and Noah groaned in mock embarrassment as the former prosecutor smoothly continued to change the subject.

“Anyone want dessert?”

“Speaking of,” said Jesse. “You still haven’t told me where we’re going, babe.”

“And I’m not going to. _Babe_. You’ll just have to wait until we get there,” Noah retorted, grinning when she stuck her tongue out at him. “I do have to call and change our reservations, though.”

He pushed his chair back.

“I’m going to go do that right now, before I forget. We’re supposed to check in tomorrow.”

“Use my den, _mijo_ ,” Rafael told him. “And close the door so nosey ears don’t hear you.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Noah bent and kissed Jesse, chuckling at the glare she flashed at his father.

“Fine. Now you get the smallest piece of leftover wedding cake, Uncle Rafa,” Jesse said.

Noah went into his father’s den and closed the door behind him. He did need to change their hotel reservations, but he also needed a moment to himself. He leaned against the door and drew a shaky breath and exhaled, as all the emotions he held in check minutes before bubbled back up. He would keep his word and not tell his mother about the exchange with his dad, but he would tell Jesse, because he needed to grieve his grandmother as well.


End file.
